Give Us This Day

Today I sat down to my breakfast, and as often happens, I felt that ol' urge to pray. Only, I don't pray, as such, anymore. The deity to whom I once directed my prayers, whether he did or does or doesn't exist, is one from whom I've withdrawn my allegiance - my trust and support. I do leave space for my relationship to that deity to change yet again, but I'm willing to be fluid and evolve. It's a singular, not corporate issue for me. Don't invite me to your church, is what I'm saying. 

I simply cannot equate the same god who allows such suffering -- I do mean currently, but also historically -- with the one who gets thanked for providing a great parking space at a crowded supermarket. Who, out of all of amazing creation, with all the flowers and waters and fruits to choose from, found the fragrance of burning flesh "soothing (Genesis 8:20-22)." And yes, I myself do love the smell of steak on the grill. 

What is the criteria for deity? I always heard, God just always was, don't think about it. But I do. Does deity come with its own, already-full and stays-full source of super powers? or do we bestow or contribute any part of it? While we're at it, what is worship? Like, say I'm a Swifty. Is it quoting her in a social setting and having everyone respond with a YES!!! Amen! Hallelujah! Is it having a picture of her on my wall or my clothing or a likeness hanging from a necklace? Is it the singing of or dancing to her songs, or getting others to listen to her music? Is it spending my money to buy albums and concert tickets and merch, so as to further her resources and the causes she supports? Based on my history growing up in "the church," those things seem very much like worship. So I ask again: Does a god come to us from on high, or do we exalt it from within us upward? 

So in the past several years, I have begun to question aloud all the things I questioned in silence before--to compare scriptural attributes to visual evidence. And I dismiss the challenge of, "Can you see love ? But you believe in it right?" Because if the being in question is love, or personifies a loving kindness [that's] greater than life (Psalm 63:3) and then asks a man to stab to death and then burn the corpse of his child, that's evidence to the contrary. If God chooses a people (and let's be clear, the Bible records promises to the offspring of BOTH Abraham's sons) and then sets them against each other in a millennia-long dispute over land rights, that's evidence to the contrary. No one, not a god, not a friend, not a lover, who asks you to make a sacrifice like that, truly loves you. Get out.

How can we pledge our allegiance to ANY flag or symbol or whatever that declares some humans more or less worthy of suffering? 

Yeah, I got questions. I got a LOT of questions. Once, I was told that it seemed I was going off the deep end. I said then and I say now, I'm not afraid of the things I'll find there. Except sharks. 

As for saying grace over my breakfast, I will ponder all it took--animal, vegetable, mineral, effort--to get it onto my plate. And then go on to express my gratitude in the way I behave toward myself and others and our world throughout the day. 

Amen. *(and a little woman~~CPE)*

Farewell, Andrea Gibson

I was very saddened a few days ago to open Facebook and see that poet Andrea Gibson had passed away. I first discovered them in a video recitation of their poem, "MAGA HAT IN THE CHEMO ROOM." Since then I have followed their story and their work, and even though it was public knowledge that they had terminal cancer, it was still a surprise to lose them. People -- voices -- like Andrea's are the reason I hope there is an afterlife in some form or another, because we still need to hear and feel their spirit moving through and around us. 

Andrea Gibson, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons

When I found the link above to include in this post. the video began to play automatically. And I couldn't STOP watching, listening, reliving an eternal experience Andrea left behind. If you want to really feel something, go look them up. I myself have no more words, so I'm going to light a candle and listen to some more of theirs.

Peace ✌

Tammy

A Year of Sundays

Nearly 4 years since last I posted here. Actually there are several drafts written but left unposted in the interim. But a lot of things have happened, to us as a people on earth and as US Citizens, to my family, to me in the time that's seemingly passed silently. I have found some things impossible to put into words that would suffice. But then I have this running dialogue in my head, always. So again, I will endeavor to begin posting more regularly, if only for my own sanity!

In my creative life, I continue to cycle between my passions for sewing, crocheting, and mixed media art. Lately I find myself with my butt parked in my La-Z-Boy recliner, watching Creature Features on YouTube, and embroidering with scraps of fabric. Learning new and relearning old stitches, playing with pattern and with random stitches alike. 

I also experimented with the embroidery function on my Juki sewing machine. 

Oh, well. It's a work in progress! 😳 And I'm doing something even though I feel like doing NOTHING most of the time. More on that later...

Peace! 

Tammy

2021 First Quarter in Haiku

January came
A violent, angry swarm
Still not much subdued

But they COULD NOT stop
the certification, nor
Inauguration

February was
Seriously fucking cold
But we did survive

Now already March
Through dead layers of winter
New life finds its way

Not a Draft

I've had a blog for as long as blogs have been a thing, even though there are large gaps of time between posts. Sometimes that's because I'm unsure of myself and the post just gets deleted, and sometimes it's because I get myself all worked up and think I should just save the draft and revisit it the next day in a better frame of mind. And of course, I never do. The main point of this post is simply to do it. I am always trying to better myself, push myself, understand myself. So last week I came across this video on Facebook that talked about the "2-minute rule."

Sure, it's simple. But all week long I've been exchanging my usual nap for just "2 minutes" of _____. The nap is sometimes because I haven't slept well the night before, due to the absolute JOY that is menopause. Night sweats SUCK! But sometimes it's because I go to tackle a project and for whatever reason, I just shut down, hit a wall, something. And the only thing I think I can do is go lie down in the cool and dark of my bedroom, turn my fans up and my noise machine even upper, and have a great dream and then wake up with less day to deal with. So today I prepared for a nap, and instead I did "2 minutes of mask-making."

That is, making a Christmas face mask for my Nana, who is in a nursing home in Dallas, and making a couple of children's size masks to add to a pile that I'll be sending to a center for domestic violence that has put out word they are in need of more. 

This actually ended up taking several hours because I had to clean off my sewing desk, iron some fabric, and them improvise around a few errors in judgment (measuring of course). 

I also worked on some watercolor, practicing leaves to go with the poinsettia petals I worked on yesterday. I did this for quite awhile. But it all started with 2 minutes of intention and action. So now, having started with just 2 minutes (but working a little longer than that once I got started), I'm going to click "publish" instead of "save as draft."

Mask up. Better yet, stay home if you can!

Tammy

A Thing to be Grasped

As an adult who grew up in a very Bible-y place, verses fly through my head in response to nearly every situation I come across. And, of course, these verses were originally taught along with their "accepted" interpretations, a la various, basically fundamental, Christian churches. I say this because although I grew up in the Church of Christ, as soon as I was old enough to dare I began studying other variations of Christianity, such as Baptist, Catholic, and Assemblies of God. Most verses have the same "accepted" interpretations, except a few used to validate or denounce certain practices singular to one denomination versus others.

So the other day I was contemplating the outright GREED that has overcome our lives -- yes, the whole world, but especially here in the United States. As a City on a Hill that Cannot Be Hid, we are radiating GREED to the rest of the world. In the name, by and large, of Christianity. In contrast, we are lighting our lamps and then hiding them under bushels. Yes! We're the best place to live! We have more, promise more, ARE more! But...we don't want you. Especially if you are actually in need and might drain us of our resources. Please drain elsewhere. We don't have enough.

Well, we DO have enough for luxurious airplanes and expensive entourages for golf outings. Political campaigns. Huge parades and celebrations of ourselves. Yay! Aren't we amazing? Wouldn't you like to be us? Well you can't. You weren't born here. Or maybe your ancestors were but we drove them out and that's just too bad.

Then there's this little verse in Philippians. Always brought up to demonstrate just how much Jesus loved us. But it carries so much more weight when we look at ourselves, as Christ's representatives here on earth. Here in America.

"Have this mind AMONG YOURSELVES, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who -- THOUGH HE WAS IN THE FORM OF GOD -- did not count EQUALITY WITH GOD a THING TO BE GRASPED, but emptied himself, taking the form of a SERVANT..." Philippians 2:5-11, edited and emphasized as per my interpretation of the text.

What if this were applied to us? To each American? To our leaders? Who, though being in possession of wealth and power, did NOT count that as a thing to be GRASPED, but emptied ourselves, taking on the form of... Servants? Immigrants? Criminals? Hungry? Homeless?

While Christ was in the form of God and WAS God, we are NOT. We should count ourselves BLESSED, not ENTITLED. And figure out exactly what it is we are considering a thing to be grasped, so that we can empty ourselves of that and take on the form of servant. And serve those in NEED not those who can in return serve our needs. I'll scratch your back, you ... enjoy it. You feel appreciated. Your betterment is not only my reward, it is my JOB.

What is it YOU count as a thing to be grasped? What would it take to empty yourself of it? Are you brave enough?

Guns are at least *part* of the problem

The article below is worth the read. Even if you are a gun owner. Especially if you are a gun owner. Not because you should be convinced to give up your guns. But because as a gun owner you should be open to promoting and demanding responsible gun ownership. My dad, a true gun enthusiast, throws this one out whenever the subject comes up, "There's a loaded shotgun on my front porch. It's been there all week. And it hasn't gotten up and killed a single person." I've been listening to that sort of rhetoric for years. But the truth is, it's dangerous rhetoric. It's flippant. It's not even true! My dad would never leave a gun out in the elements! But if it were true, some idiot who heard him say it could go swipe it and use it to commit a crime.

Attitudes about guns are changing. People are using them to win (get the last word in, so to speak) arguments. To "express themselves," as it were, in mass shootings in schools and places intended for recreation! And those who don't use them that way, those who own them and don't use them in bad ways, are starting to use these types of flippant responses that show just as much lack of respect for the guns they claim are so important in their lives. These attitudes are promoting and perpetuating the misconceptions about what guns should and should not represent, and how they should be used.

Here is the reblog I want to share: Guns Are the Problem, Guns Are the Problem, Guns Are the Problem … | Erin Wathen