Give Us This Day

Today I sat down to my breakfast, and as often happens, I felt that ol' urge to pray. Only, I don't pray, as such, anymore. The deity to whom I once directed my prayers, whether he did or does or doesn't exist, is one from whom I've withdrawn my allegiance - my trust and support. I do leave space for my relationship to that deity to change yet again, but I'm willing to be fluid and evolve. It's a singular, not corporate issue for me. Don't invite me to your church, is what I'm saying. 

I simply cannot equate the same god who allows such suffering -- I do mean currently, but also historically -- with the one who gets thanked for providing a great parking space at a crowded supermarket. Who, out of all of amazing creation, with all the flowers and waters and fruits to choose from, found the fragrance of burning flesh "soothing (Genesis 8:20-22)." And yes, I myself do love the smell of steak on the grill. 

What is the criteria for deity? I always heard, God just always was, don't think about it. But I do. Does deity come with its own, already-full and stays-full source of super powers? or do we bestow or contribute any part of it? While we're at it, what is worship? Like, say I'm a Swifty. Is it quoting her in a social setting and having everyone respond with a YES!!! Amen! Hallelujah! Is it having a picture of her on my wall or my clothing or a likeness hanging from a necklace? Is it the singing of or dancing to her songs, or getting others to listen to her music? Is it spending my money to buy albums and concert tickets and merch, so as to further her resources and the causes she supports? Based on my history growing up in "the church," those things seem very much like worship. So I ask again: Does a god come to us from on high, or do we exalt it from within us upward? 

So in the past several years, I have begun to question aloud all the things I questioned in silence before--to compare scriptural attributes to visual evidence. And I dismiss the challenge of, "Can you see love ? But you believe in it right?" Because if the being in question is love, or personifies a loving kindness [that's] greater than life (Psalm 63:3) and then asks a man to stab to death and then burn the corpse of his child, that's evidence to the contrary. If God chooses a people (and let's be clear, the Bible records promises to the offspring of BOTH Abraham's sons) and then sets them against each other in a millennia-long dispute over land rights, that's evidence to the contrary. No one, not a god, not a friend, not a lover, who asks you to make a sacrifice like that, truly loves you. Get out.

How can we pledge our allegiance to ANY flag or symbol or whatever that declares some humans more or less worthy of suffering? 

Yeah, I got questions. I got a LOT of questions. Once, I was told that it seemed I was going off the deep end. I said then and I say now, I'm not afraid of the things I'll find there. Except sharks. 

As for saying grace over my breakfast, I will ponder all it took--animal, vegetable, mineral, effort--to get it onto my plate. And then go on to express my gratitude in the way I behave toward myself and others and our world throughout the day. 

Amen. *(and a little woman~~CPE)*